I have been busy without accomplishing very much. This month I have gone to Long Island with my boyfriend, gone to Virginia Beach for my cousin's wedding. I went to a vineyard with my parents for Mother's Day. I went to Blacksburg for my boyfriend's graduation. I have been going and going and going, and that has left me extremely tired.
I have been continuing my search for a slightly better job, with no luck so far. I'm halfway done with my blanket. I'm waiting until I can save enough money to get the rest of the yarn at once. I have started knitting a sock. I have made it through the heel, but so far I have dropped several stitches and snapped my needles several times (don't worry, I fixed them with superglue.) I have not written much poetry, though the boyfriend keeps encouraging me to.
I just keep going, and I'm starting to burn out. I know I need to take better care of myself, but it's hard. It seems easier to just keep grinding through.
Self care gets mocked a lot on the Internet. A lot of it is the way it's presented. There's the Tumblr version of it, which is basically do whatever you want and don't care about anything else. That's not really self care. Self care is not always what you want to do. It's changing your sheets because let's face it, they're nasty. It's cleaning your room. It's taking a shower and shaving your legs even though you'd rather just lay in bed and be miserable. Self care is doing what you have to do to make yourself feel better in the long run. Of course sometimes you have to do the quick fix self care, like taking a nap with your cat because you're so stressed out that existing seems impossible. But that nap shouldn't last all day.
Right now I need a lot of self care. I need to clean my room. I need to read the comics my boyfriend got me. I need to put the numbers back on the mailbox. I need to put away my laundry once it comes out of the dryer. I need to start tracking what I eat and what I spend. None of this feels fun. None of it feels like it's going to help, but the logical side of me knows it will. Sometimes you just have to do what's logical.