There are a lot of tips for how to be a writing success. Often they are written by people who are very successful and probably know what they're doing. I am not one of those people. I have no clue what I'm doing and feel like I'm failing miserably at it. So here are my 10 tips for how to fail at writing.
1) Just don't write
This is probably the easiest one. All you have to do is nothing. If you don't write anything you are sure to fail at writing.
2) Read all the books
This might seem to be helpful, but it's actually not. Instead of reading a few books to get a better understanding of how to write, you should every book on writing you can find. You'll have to spend all of your time reading, which helps you do number 1.
3) Care what everyone else thinks
Everyone has an opinion, and they are probably better informed than you are so you should listen to them.
4) Be inconsistent
If you want to fail at writing, you need to lack discipline. No consistent work schedules, no organizational method. Write everything down on little scraps of paper that are sure to get lost.
5) Don't set personal deadlines
This goes with being inconsistent; never give yourself a deadline. Let the creative process take it's own time. Write only when you feel inspired. Never try to hit a word count, or complete a project by a certain day. Just go with the flow.
6) Never submit anything
If you don't submit anything you can't be rejected. You can't be published either but that's a little thing. Protect your fragile writer's ego.
7) Wait until everything is perfect to start
You can't write if you're too hot, or too cold. If you haven't had your coffee yet, the inspiration just isn't there. The entire atmosphere isn't right, so you can't write.
8) No rewriting
Everything should be perfect the first time you write it. There is no point in trying to improve your work.
9) Don't seek feedback
You should care what people think of your work but you should never ask them. Their advice is useless, because everything is perfect.
10) Never try new things
You know how to write, you've been reading all the books on it, so there is no need to try new ways to write the same things.
There are plenty of other ways you can fail at writing. These have just been my favorite methods.