I went up to New York to visit boyfriend again. It was a good trip. The first full day was a chill out day to let me recover from the job. We went to the movie theatre to see Lego Movie 2. It was cute and fun, but fairly unmemorable; it took me several minutes just to remember which movie we saw. That was Friday. We were supposed to have dinner with a friend of mine but they cancelled because they were really tired from a health thing.
Saturday we went to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. The statue was really cool. We took a lot of pictures and had a lot of fun listening to the audio tour. Our tickets let up go up to the top of the pedestal and that was fun. It was also really tiring because it was 195 stairs we climbed. Ellis Island was really interesting. The audio tour was really good. They had clips from people who had actually gone through Ellis Island as immigrants. Unfortunately after we did the ranger tour, my stomach decided to stage a rebellion and we didn’t see much after that. We only got through the “arrival” and “medical exam” rooms. I would really like to go back at some point and see the rest of the museum.
Sunday we had brunch with my friend and her boyfriend at a tiny little restaurant in Amityville. The food was good. After brunch, we went to a crystal shop down the street, because “ooh shiny.” It was really interesting. I got a celestial tarot deck and a free sunshine carnelian stone that is supposed to bring happiness and creativity. We went home and I took a nap and forgot about the time change, so it was shorter than I wanted it to be. We went back to friend’s apartment to play Munchkin and Fibbage. Both were really fun games, but I started getting tired towards the end of the second Munchkin game. We had a really good, huge Mac and Cheese pizza for dinner. It was a mess but so delicious. We started to watch the Umbrella Academy, but I was too tired to finish the first episode, so we went back to boyfriend’s apartment.
Towards the end of the trip, boyfriend was a bit distant, mostly on his phone or watching Overwatch League, not really doing anything with me. I was a bit distant too, first probably, after a semi discussion we sort of had on Friday night about our past. The part of the discussion we didn’t have was how it would relate to our future. I don’t know what’s going to happen with us.
Knitting
On the train, I worked on my Butterfly shawl. It’s progressing, a bit slowly since I tend to get tired after I finish each part of a section. It takes a lot of focus because the short rows mean I have to count during each quasi row. I found that I didn’t really want to spend that much energy on it while I was at the apartment. The color changes are interesting. The pods on half the shawl are purple right now, the other side is purple and green. The colors are way off in the picture
Boyfriend’s second scarf is on hold again after the conversation that wasn’t. I don’t want to put more energy into it right now if we’re not going to be together when I finish it. It’s still pretty and soft though.
Right now it feels like the breakup is more of a when than if. I’m going to pack up everything he gave me and put it away for awhile. I’ve decided that includes Googlette. He’s given me a lot o f stuff. Some of it is small like chargers and cords. Some of it is a lot more important, like Googlette and the aromatherapy necklace. I’m also going to stop talking to him for a few months. I need space to get over him because I do love him, but that’s not enough to move past what he did, I think. It just keeps coming back up and I don’t know if I should be trying to ignore it. Maybe I haven’t really forgiven him for it and that’s why I can’t let it go. But at the same time is this something I should let go? There are a lot of questions around this that I don’t have answers to and I don’t feel comfortable asking because of what other people’s answers are going to be. There’s a lot that just doesn’t quite feel comfortable with our relationship.
Mr. Kitty
Mr. Kitty has been alone with my parents while I’ve been in New York. I haven’t heard of any trouble he’s caused, but that may change once I get home.
He hasn’t gotten into any noteworthy trouble. He seems to have just slept on my pillow and shed quite a bit. The pillowcase was white, now it’s more gray with little tufts of fuzz.
Plants
There will be no Squaathree this year. We're moving so I can't really plant anything in the yard. Instead, I am growing pansies by my window. I got a cute little grow jar kit with the seeds, and they've sprouted. I'm really happy with my little plants, but as Mom pointed out, they're awfully crowded in the little net pot. When they're a little bigger, I'm going to have to transplant them. The kit has no instructions on how to do that, of course. But right now they're so cute and tiny with their itty bitty leaves.
I also got strawberries to plant in one of the jars I kind of used for solar dyeing the yarn that came out only vaguely yellowish. I just need to get some potting soil and actually plant them. My desk will be filled with green and life, which will probably have to find other places to live once we start showing the house. For now I will enjoy them while they sit in the sun by my computer.
Mental Health
It was definitely time to take a break from work. I was getting really depressed and it was hard to get excited about anything, even the trip to New York. Mom said the house was getting power washed today, so it’s getting closer to going on the market. That means the move and therefore my escape from the job is getting closer. I don’t really want to move to the mountains with my parents but I don’t make enough to live on my own at my job. I’ve been trying to apply for other jobs but it’s hard when I’m so tired and depressed all the time. My therapist suggested focusing on saving money so I can quit and then focus on finding a new job. Mom’s idea is save money and try to find a new job at the same time, which is really difficult with depression.
Mom is watching a “treat depression with nutrition” series, and we’re going to try some of the stuff from it. It’s worth trying it. Besides, I could stand to have better nutrition anyway.